“Self-introspection is needed to realise where you are heading in your life”


Self-introspection is an ongoing, thoughtful, soul seeking and self-aware process that should take place all the time. I saw a quote that said “the problem with self-introspection is that it never ends” and I couldn’t agree more. Underlying motives, behaviours, emotions and communications that effect the way we see things and react towards them. Self-introspection really requires you to sit down and think of what you have done, why you have done it, and what could you have done differently. Sort of like a client session overview on yourself. It can become a rather strenuous process when your motives are generally to just get through the day with some of your sanity intact. Which is pretty much how this whole semester has been.
I actually took the last week to seek some guidance on how to manage with the demands and strain that I have been taking since round about March. This time at home and speaking to family members and medical professionals has left a lot of thoughts roaming around in  my head of everything that has happened and how I have reacted and as a result am where I am now. A little bit battered and bruised, a little less sane, a lot more tired but a lot more knowledgeable about my course and myself and my strengths and weaknesses.

As mentioned in previous blogs, I came from a difficult fieldwork block last semester, and as such, have had a lot of negatives to work through. Things such as confidence, anxiety, self-belief, self-esteem and self-worth. I can’t say I have fully regained all these aspects lost, but I have been building myself up again, brick by brick, with the help and support of my family, colleagues and supervisor. It has shown me that I am resilient, that I can and will go on.
Unfortunately with regards to my course, my timetable changes nearly every day, whether it be lectures added, tests added, tests moved to different days etc, it is constantly changing. This makes time management – something I have ALWAYS struggled with – basically impossible. But… it has also shown me I can adapt to any situation and whatever is thrown at me. It might cause a bit of a ripple in the waters of life, but I adapt and get it done.

This last week has shown me that even the strong need to rest sometimes. That everyone has a limit and that when you have reached it, you need to take a step back, re-evaluate, seek out the necessary help and then start again. I have been physically ill with either a flu or bronchitis since March, and I can feel that illness leaving my body in this period of rest. I can feel my mind recognising the light in the darkness, I can feel the beginnings of a real smile touch my face, can feel the joy of just being alive want to bubble out of me again.

I have been going through life like a corpse for the past few years, getting more and more depressed, more and more “dead” with every obstacle, every negative comment, and every deadline that is stacked on top of each other. I am tired of being this lifeless, soulless person. I am tired of having to actively look for something positive so my blogs don’t sound as if I’m ready to throw myself off a cliff. I want my colourful soul back. I want Charlize back. And now I am prepared to fight for her. I no longer accept this shadowed mirage of myself I have become.

I want to contribute. I want to create. I want to help. I want to live.

And through these things, I will be able to become the Occupational Therapist I know I have the potential to be. A whole new world of passion has been unlocked since this psychosocial block started. I want to explore it with every fibre of my being because these marginalized, forgotten people hold a very special place in my heart. It has turned my self-perception that I am a physical occupational therapist completely on its head. I want to work with burns, fractures, hands, and now also the acutely psychotic patients I have been exposed to.

I want to learn even more than I already have about these patients. My lecturers and supervisors guidance has instilled the basic knowledge needed for me to correctly interact and treat my patients. I have learnt how to use this in a way that suits my personality, becoming a unique therapist rather than a parrot of lecture notes. I have bettered my understanding of the holistic view of a client and how each facet effects another, how to holistically treat a client, how to get non-compliant clients to work with me etcetera etcetera etcetera.

I have learnt so much about psychosocial clients and myself in this last semester and I am grateful. For the good, the bad, I am grateful, because without the darkness there wouldn’t be light, and I wouldn’t have had this realisation that my mind-set is up to me. That I can’t influence things external to me, such as friends, a difficult patient, test dates, obstacles, but I can control how I react to these things, I can control how I see the world, and I choose to see the beauty, the colour, the positivity. Not just for myself, but for my clients as well. The world is doom and gloom enough without me adding to it. It is time to join the world again. As the Charlize I know is still inside me screaming to get out under all the negatives. She is ready. I am ready.

I will contribute. I will create. I will help. I will live.


References:
Self introspection is nee... | Richa Karn | YourQuote. (2019). Retrieved 14 September 2019, from https://www.yourquote.in/richa-karn-0uel/quotes/self-introspection-needed-realise-where-you-heading-your-jpr75
Introspection Quotes | Picture Quotes. (2019). Retrieved 14 September 2019, from http://www.picturequotes.com/introspection-quotes
Muhaise, J. (2019). Inspirational quote on mindset. Retrieved 14 September 2019, from https://muhaise.com/inspirational-quote-mindset-39/
7 Ways Self-Reflection And Introspection Will Give You A Happier Life. (2019). Retrieved 14 September 2019, from https://www.elitedaily.com/life/7-ways-self-reflection-introspection-will-give-happier-life/943309
115+ Growth Mindset Quotes - Fresh Quotes. (2019). Retrieved 14 September 2019, from https://www.freshquotes.org/growth-mindset-quotes/
Growth Mindset Quotes: 21 Inspiring Quotes on the Power of Persistence. (2019). Retrieved 14 September 2019, from https://fastertomaster.com/growth-mindset-quotes/
30 Most Inspiring Positive Thinking Quotes | SayingImages.com. (2019). Retrieved 14 September 2019, from https://sayingimages.com/positive-thinking-quotes/
51 Sanity Quotes. (2019). Retrieved 14 September 2019, from https://quotlr.com/quotes-about-sanity

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