I choose me.

And yet again, another prac block has come to an end. Reflecting on this psychosocial block has been somewhat difficult, but illuminating nonetheless. I have learnt so much, about the theory, about prac knowledge and about myself.

All the different diagnoses and how to handle each, how to structure sessions to get maximum therapeutic use out of each, how to choose activities to achieve aims, how to formulate aims so that they actually address the client’s needs and how to integrate person, occupation and context to ensure your treatment is holistic. Learning how to treat in a psychosocial setting has been quite an abstract concept. Treating something you can’t see, feel or actually accurately test is rather strange, let alone abstract. You have to constantly dissect everything said by the client because their perceptions about their particular situation isn’t necessarily the same as what the doctor or psychiatrist is saying. So to sum that up in one word - Insight. Insight, insight, insight. This has been the biggest challenge I have had to overcome in this practical block. I needed to learn to make use of various techniques such as by the way handling (which I have never been particularly good at) to ensure these clients participate. I had to learn when to be patient and when to be firm. When to let the client ramble and when to stop the client and bring them back to the activity, as well as how to do this so the client doesn’t feel as if the therapist is being dismissive. Sometimes having to jump through hoops to ensure your client participated was slightly frustrating, but in the end, the difference in the clients behaviour and engagement in their daily activities, made all the hoop jumping worthwhile.

I learnt how to integrate the theory with my clients, which is something I have always battled to do. I could never find the link between the notes and my client. I could never figure out for certain which frame of reference or model to use to interpret my client. I feel much more confident in terms of this now, as if a light went on while I was writing my finals case study. It’s as if many lights finally switched on and I am able to understand and integrate what I am learning with what I am practising. Things suddenly make sense. I don’t know how or why, but my OT brain decided to finally, FINALLY, switch on. I understand the links, the approaches, the frames of reference, the models, the assessment findings, the integrated problem statements, the treatment approach based on the problem statements, the need for various subprograms and how they should fit into the treatment schedule. It makes sense. I have found the golden thread I was never able to extend through my case studies and presentations. It’s not perfect, but at least now I understand where it is missing, and more importantly, how to fix it.

What I learnt about myself? I learnt that I am too hard on myself, that I am constantly breaking myself down when I don’t get things right, instead of celebrating the small steps I have taken in the right direction to improve. I have always said I am a realist, not a pessimist, but I guess that was just a fancy way of trying to hide the pessimism under a false sense of realism. I have learnt that just as my sessions don’t go the way I expected, life doesn’t either. So instead of stressing and freaking myself out, I am going to do what I have learnt to do in my sessions. Go with the flow. Go with the flow and change my mind-set from being so hard on myself for that which I cannot do, and instead celebrate the things I am able to do, and work on my weaknesses so that they become my strengths.

The last lesson, and by far the most important, is the fact that I cannot let the negative outweigh the positive. I cannot let one semester change the course of my life. I cannot let the opinions of one person affect me so much, when I have so many other people’s opinions contradicting that person. But most importantly… I can’t let anyone’s opinion of me become greater and more important than my opinion of myself. I know who I am, I know the work I put into every prac session, and I know how much effort I put into this degree. I can do anything if I put my mind and my heart into it.

And so comes the reason for my title. I refuse to let anyone break me down anymore. I refuse to let personal attacks and slicing comments make a mark. I refuse to be anything other than the best person and therapist I can be.  I choose my doubts. I choose my insecurities. I choose my weaknesses. I choose my strengths. I choose my triumphs. I choose Physical practical block. I choose psychosocial practical block. I choose OT. But most importantly. I choose me.

P.S. Big shout out to my supervisor. You are the real MVP.

References

Albert Schweitzer Quote: “The path of awakening is not about becoming who you are. Rather it is about unbecoming who you are not.”. (2019). Retrieved 13 October 2019, from https://quotefancy.com/quote/764689/Albert-Schweitzer-The-path-of-awakening-is-not-about-becoming-who-you-are-Rather-it-is

Pin by Jennifer Disman on Encouragement | Keep going quotes, Go for it quotes, Quotes. (2019). Retrieved 13 October 2019, from https://za.pinterest.com/pin/282037995397541523/?lp=true

Etsy :: Your place to buy and sell all things handmade. (2019). Retrieved 13 October 2019, from https://www.etsy.com/listing/649865597/mindset-is-everything-life-quote-digital?ref=shop_home_active_1

Koulouris, M. (2019). Ignore. Retrieved 13 October 2019, from http://inspirationalpicturequotes.blogspot.com/2014/04/ignore.html

She remembered who she was and changed the game by godcitytees67. (2019). Retrieved 13 October 2019, from https://www.teepublic.com/tapestry/4192517-she-remembered-who-she-was-and-changed-the-game